The DataImportHandler can be a little daunting. Your initial query has loaded 10.000 unique products. This is loaded if you specify /dataimport?command=full-import.
When this import is done, the DIH stores a variable ({dataimporter.last_index_time}) which is the last date/time you did this import.
In order to do an update, you specify a deltaQuery. The deltaQuery is meant to identify the records that have changed in your database since the last update. So, you specify a query like this: SELECT product_id
FROM sometable
WHERE [date_update] >= '${dataimporter.last_index_time}'
This will retrieve all the product_ids from your database that are updated since you last full update. The next query (deltaImportQuery) you need to specify is the query that will retrieve the full record for each product_id that you have from the previous step.
Assuming product_id is you unique key, solr will figure out that it needs to update an existing record, or add one if the product_id doens't work.
In order to execute the deltaQuery and the deltaImportQuery you use /dataimport?command=delta-import
This is a great simplification of all the possibilities, check the Solr wiki on DataImportHandler, it is a VERY powerful tool!