According to Microsoft this is only possible if you have access to the source code of both add-ins.
How do I create two add-ins that add items to the same group or tab?
The idQ property of controls exists to enable multiple add-ins to
share containers, such as custom tabs and groups. In the following VBA
example, two Excel add-ins share the same "Contoso" group on the
add-ins tab; each adds one button to it. The key is specifying the
same unique namespace in the <customUI>
tag. Then, controls can
reference this namespace by using idQ.
CustomUI XML for add-in 1:
<customUI xmlns="http://schemas.microsoft.com/office/2006/01/customui"
xmlns:x="myNameSpace" >
<ribbon>
<tabs>
<tab idMso="TabAddIns">
<group idQ="x:Contoso" label="Contoso">
<button id="C1" label="Contoso Button 1" size="large"
imageMso="FileSave" onAction="c_action1" />
</group>
</tab>
</tabs>
</ribbon>
</customUI>
CustomUI XML for add-in 2:
<customUI xmlns="http://schemas.microsoft.com/office/2006/01/customui"
xmlns:x="myNameSpace" >
<ribbon>
<tabs>
<tab idMso="TabAddIns">
<group idQ="x:Contoso" label="Contoso">
<button id="C2" label="Contoso Button 2" size="large"
imageMso="FileSave" onAction="c_action2" />
</group>
</tab>
</tabs>
</ribbon>
</customUI>
If you use a COM add-in to customize the Fluent UI, the namespace name
must be the ProgID of the COM add-in, but the behavior is otherwise
the same. When you use a shared add-in, the ProgID is
AddInName.Connect. When you use Microsoft Visual Studio 2005 Tools for
the 2007 Microsoft Office System (Visual Studio 2005 Tools for Office
Second Edition) to create the add-in, the ProgID is the name of the
add-in.
So, unless the other add-in you are trying to piggyback has set up their ribbon using a namespace and the idQ-tag, it is unlikely that you'll be able to put your controls within it's ribbon groups/tabs.