Per MsiRMFilesInUse Dialog (Windows)
The MsiRMFilesInUse Dialog box can be authored to display a list of
processes that are currently running files that need to be overwritten
or deleted by the installation. The user can select between options to
"Automatically close applications and restart them" or "Do not close
applications. (A reboot will be required.)" If the user selects the
"Automatically close applications and restart them" option, a push
button control on this dialog box can be authored to publish the
RMShutdownAndRestart control event and the Restart Manager can close
the applications and restart them at the end of the installation. This
can eliminate or reduce the need to restart the computer. For more
information, see System Reboots.
Notice the generous use of the word "can be authored". It is written this way because the perspective is of the Windows Installer SDK (Windows Platform). InstallShield (Basic MSI) and WiX (UI Extension) both author this table. Visual Studio Deployment Projects do not because Microsoft (DevDiv) never put the effort in to support it. You can't modify what isn't there.
Now if you are a Windows Installer expert ( which I doubt otherwise you wouldn't even be posting this question ) there are things that can be done. You can write postbuild commands to modify the built MSI to perform SQL updates and/or apply transforms to inject a custom authored dialog into your MSI after VS is done building it.
I've been down this road, I know how to do it. I also know how counterproductive it is as you'll find yourself doing it ALOT to make up for the short comings of the tool. At that point you understand why WiX / InstallShield is needed and move on.
And for the record, I once quit a very well paying job because VDPROJ is all the development managers would allow. I also returned a couple years later for even more $$$$ when they finally realized that they didn't know what they were talking about.
Good luck.