the part "what do you use" is easy to answer, but as "Confusion" already said - the rest depends upon your needs:
We're starting to use liferay, which is basically a portal server coming with cms portlets. In terms of
extensibility: It uses the portlet api
usage comfort: Well... it didn't hinder us using it.
framework API: Having the portlet api as the api, this was more appealing than (e.g.) OpenCMS which has its own API.
memory usage: No hard knowledge yet, but for our needs we don't expect bad things from any cms available.
performance: Same as Memory.
If you want to know, what you should use, please ask more specific questions. If you are interested in a list of systems, please refer to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Content_Management_Systems or http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Content_management_framework and filter out the java ones.