Often times the dishes I am the most disappointed with end up being a hit with my family. It is almost as if our tastes contrast each other.
Given that, how can I cook something that appeases a palate which is not my own, and especially one that appreciates flavors and textures I do not like? A major part of cooking is adjusting things along the way according to a preference, and it is hard when whatever preference you are working with (your own) is not relevant (when cooking for others).
I have (nearly) no sense of taste and smell, and what sense I do have is heavily distorted. As a result, my senses are non-indicative of dish quality. Nearly every meal I cook is shared with at least one person, though, so I've had to adapt.
I iterate over the same recipe over and over varying the spice mixtures and ratios, and ask for comment every time. I write down said comments with the recipe, and then adjust from there. Usually my recipes stop evolving by the time I've written iteration #4-5 (less for newer recipes, as I can now "play" the flavors by ear).
When I'm cooking for people I don't see often, I use my well-rehearsed recipes. I also select foods where the cooking is more of a science, where it's hard to mess up the flavor, or where people take a self-seasoning approach (e.g. baking bread, grilling steak, baking potatoes).
Edit: Here's some simple spice trends from my personal recipes. These have been calibrated almost exclusively on Southern U.S. guests:
It sounds as if you may be more sensitive to flavors, and thus don't like it too overpowering. (people on the other side of the spectrum would claim the food to be bland).
The easiest thing to do is to keep a few seasonings, sauces, and spice blends that people can add to adjust the flavoring to their taste. When I cook for a dozen or more people, I'll either make the food bland (or if preparing more than one dish, at least one of the items is less spiced), and let people adjust the flavorings to their taste.
You'll often see such things in various quick-service restaurants ... the exact list depends on the type of restaurant (diner, burger, italian, mexican, etc.)
In my wife's case, it is a combination of general talant along with deliberate education and feedback.
Everyone loves her Chinese cooking. But I note that it's actually Chinese/American (not ethnic Cantonese or full-bore Sichuan) and furthermore is customized to my family's tastes.
Two anecdotes on deliberate learning: first, I found initally that the use of ginger was overpowering in most meat stir-fry. I noticed the pattern and discussed it with her, figuring it was a difference in taste calibration. She changed that, and ended up finding a sauce that I like very much.
Second, she wondered how to make something that would go good with family dinner. I suggested using seasoning that matched what I knew the entree would be using (e.g. Majoram). More generally, what would my parents like? Learning Mom's recipies let her know the general palette of flavors.
Now I see that it requires talent as well. How does she know when a recipe is "right" for someone else? It helps to have a hugely broad and varied palette of taste herself. It is good to be able to taste nuances of not-so-spicey food as well as being able to appreciate very spicey things (at a restaurant recently, 10 wasn't high enough and she had the chef go up to 12 instead!).
Given a particular combination of seasonings (and avoiding others) she's learned what it should form as proper chords of flavor, so can come up with something new that still fits.
Without being directly able to work within someone else's flavor box, I think a few things can still go a long way: know the individual basic flavors of that cuisine (e.g. how much majoram is used in Polish sausage), so seasoning "something" can simply use a standard amount of the chosen spice. Avoid particular flavors that are not liked or are hard to use well or are sensed differently (e.g. if a dish doesn't have broccoli in it, you don't have to worry about the sulpher overpowering or changing the underlying notes compared to someone who tastes it as sweet instead).
If you can't make novel works in someone else's "box", then stick with already calibrated and vetted combinations.
Finally, get feedback at critical points. I grew up on very low salt, for example, and she'll ask me to taste when adding salt if she thinks it's the right measurement but still seems unsalted to her.
Let's not get too complicated here. If you want to cook for others, this is about knowing your audience, not your own preferences. Knowledge of a wide array of ingredients and flavors is necessary for you to do this. Unless you are cooking for yourself, your own flavor preferences matter little.
